Regardless of where you stand on the political spectrum, there is a widespread concern that, as a country, we have “misplaced” our moral compass. While politics and morality have always been strange bedfellows, it seems we have come to a point in time where self-interest and personal gain have now trumped everything else. This is not merely a result of the most recent election. Our system has devolved into “us” and “them” where the desired result is to throw as many roadblocks up against the other side. News and editorial columns are full of stories about why any specific sub-segment of the US population feels as if they are being discriminated against. When we turned our focus to counting the number of wins (or loses) in our own column, versus those in the other person’s, we lost sight of who we are—not only as a nation but as individuals.
The teachings of the Tanakh/Old Testament have historically been challenging to deal with as many of their lessons seem to be specifically tied to a certain time and place, where concerns about the establishment of the Jewish nation and culture was one of the primary issues. But to ignore them in totality is to rob ourselves of some rich interpersonal insights that have as much impact today as they did originally.
I was struck by one specific teaching as I thought about how does one operate in a society without a strong moral compass. In the ancient book of Proverbs (rom which come some well-known sayings we still quote today such as “pride goeth before a fall” and “a soft answer turns away wrath”) there is an observation that seems prophetical profound. In the 29th chapter, the writer of the book pens this simple but powerful statement:
Where there is no vision, the people perish
I am not a fatalist, so I don’t read this as an announcement of the end of days. But I do believe that we are perishing from the inside out due to a lack of vision that stems from neglecting concepts around common good, understanding and unconditional love. Our moral core is dying, and along with it our ability to allow for our and other’s potential to be met.
There is no notion of the “common good” these days—only the notion of what is best for me/us, often at the expense of you/them. Questions around whether a path to citizenship should be established for the “dreamers” is, in my opinion, a prime example where we have lost the ability to look at the corporate good over the purported individual value. Ironically, we are arguing about whether innocent children of undocumented immigrants should ever be properly welcomed into the fold of America, versus being given secondary status. We are more worried about what we might be potentially giving away versus looking at the impact of a gift lovingly given.
As I was walking through the lobby of my apartment building the other day, a young boy who I didn’t know was running towards me at full tilt. I stopped in my tracks, figuring that he intended to run past me and the best thing I could do was not get in his way. To my surprise, and without slowing his pace, he came right up to me and threw his arms around my legs in an innocent childish embrace. He looked up at me and smiled and then released me, turning back to his nanny. It was a joyous moment and one that seemed to indicate a trust that was more than I perhaps deserved. It never occurred to me to turn the child away, I felt blessed and the smile the encounter brought to my face stayed with me all day. Why would we ever lose the chance to feel the blessing of a child’s embrace who, through no fault of their own, need to find a different path forward. Why would not “suffer the little children to come?”
We have also lost the ability to understand that not every situation is a win-win. There are times when some of us will carry a bigger burden than others due to the blessings and abilities we have been given. That does not mean we are more worthy, or that others are less worthy, it just acknowledges that our unique and individual strengths make our world dynamic when they work in complementary ways. This is the danger around the concept of “everyone wins” that seems to be pervading school yard and sports fields. Everyone doesn’t always win and coming in second place teaches some important lessons such as the idea that being a good loser is as valuable a trait as being a good winner. Winners aren’t the enemies of the losers—we can celebrate other’s wins without making ourselves victims. Moreover, making it so that someone else can win from time to time keeps us humble and reminds us that bolstering another person’s confidence can make everyone feel good.
Lastly, and most sadly, we have lost the ability to love unconditionally—the kind of love we are granted by God and our parents at our birth. We now love only those whose faces mirror our own, those whose political biases mesh with our beliefs and, ironically, those who are least able to appreciate our love because they have never felt unloved. We operate within our own comfort zones, rarely deviating from the prescribed “norm”, until it impacts our direct life. Studies have shown that people who have a gay person in their life are more sympathetic to issues around gay rights. Caretakers who have personally battled an illness on behalf of a loved one often become the biggest advocates for research. Volunteers who have worked alongside the homeless are more apt to canvas for expansion of social services. But this isn’t unconditional love. This is love that has been cultivated because of exposure to a certain “condition”. It’s great that our sensitivities are heightened when directly facing an issue, but it’s also sad that it takes a confrontation for us to become sensitive.
So with a lack of strong moral leadership, and the resultant lack of vision, how are we not to “perish”?
We have all entered this life with an internal moral compass firmly in place. Children are not born racists or phobics, they are deliberately taught those lessons which deafen them to their own compass over time. The solution to surviving in today’s world are two-fold. First, we must, like a child, approach every new personal encounter with the same kind of optimistic hope—we must see in every new face a potential new “best friend” who will improve our lives and make our lives more worth living. In other words, a “best friend” who you would stick up for on the playground because that’s simply what best friends do.
Second, we must exercise our dormant empathy muscle but in a more personal way. We need to remember that we are a tribe of humans who are more similar than different. We need the same things (food, shelter, love) and worry about the same things (being unfulfilled, being helpless, being alone). We are all brothers and sisters. When we get faced with a seeming moral decision, we must look the other person in the eye and ask ourselves would we feel different if our decisions were effecting a blood sibling. Or imagine that you are the one coming to a family member asking for help or consideration—how would you feel if the people you trusted the most shut the door in your face. This is exactly what we are doing when we work to repeal ACA—we are telling a family member that we are more worried about a theoretical or financial consideration than we are about their physical or mental health.
I don’t expect that we will become a morally driven society—that time has passed. I do hope that we will approach every question, discussion and decision with a pause to consider the moral impact. I hope that we ask if the directions we take in life are intended to provide opportunities for all, or only for those whom we have deemed worthy. If we can return to a world where every person is a potential best friend, I hope we will start to have conversations that are, at least in part, tuned to the moral compass. Otherwise, our own sense of morality will die as our vision fades.