A dear friend of mine shares the same birth-date as I do, although I have twice as many years under my belt.  As per tradition, we exchanged mutual greetings on our birthday last month.  This year, she surprised me by asking me what I would have told myself at her age, if I had the power to go back in time while maintaining the wisdom of my current age.  It was an interesting and provocative question.  I first sent a note about perspective, particularly as it relates to using time as a measure for success.  I told her that it’s the journey that is important and not how quickly the journey can be accomplished.

She sent back a nice reply which got me thinking further about perspective.  I realized that I had only scratched the surface of what I was trying to communicate, so I sent the following as a second note:

“Perspective is not only a matter of forest versus trees, it is also about understanding that what you have to offer (professionally and personally) and what you consider success will shift with time. You may achieve ‘success’ here and now, but if that shifts or doesn’t feel as fulfilling later on, that is not an indication that you are at fault, are any less talented, or have ‘wasted’ any time.  As we grow, the pots in which we first planted ourselves may no longer accommodate us.  Sometimes we need to re-pot ourselves in a larger pot, a different pot, a pot with more or less drainage.  And sometimes we need to take a step back and put ourselves in s smaller pot, prune the wild growth and allow for our roots to rest and strengthen.  That is not taking a step backwards.”

I hadn’t re-read those words until she sent a Happy New Year message back nor realized how personal those words were when I first wrote them.  Looking at them again made me realize how much of my own life is reflected in those sentences.

A number of years ago, I was working for a highly regarded global brand and thought that I had reached a pinnacle of success that I considered important.  There were days when I couldn’t believe how lucky I was to be working where I was.  That feeling lasted for quite a few years.  But eventually I got to a point where I felt stagnated.  I felt as if I was suffocating due to a lack of challenge and exposure but couldn’t imagine giving up a “dream job”.  Eventually this led to a crisis of confidence, a depressive period and a voluntary transition out of the company as part of a corporate restructure.

For many months as I was licking my wounds, I kicked myself for not getting out earlier.  I blamed myself for failing and for being able to make it work.  I had lost perspective and thought that I had come up short without realizing that I was simply in a pot that no longer worked for me.  The only blame I carried was putting the blame onto myself and not the situation.  I had changed and the pot hadn’t. Taking a step back and pruning was what I needed to do, and it’s something I am still doing.

This analogy made me think of the parable of the sower and the seeds that is one of the most repeated parables in the book of Matthew.  Jesus uses the illustration of seeds falling onto different soils as a direct metaphor for the way people receive the news that Jesus is the fulfillment of the prophesies of earlier time.  To paraphrase, as a farmer is sowing seeds some fall along a bare path and are eaten by birds.   Some seeds fall onto rocky ground and quickly sprout but because the plants’ roots aren’t deep, those plants quickly wither.  Other seeds are choked by thorns before the plants can mature.  The last batch of seeds fall on good soil and yield a bumper crop.

The parallels are clear as the willingness to be open to the message that Jesus brings is the soil and those who hear it are the seeds.  In the Christian faith, it becomes very clear who the ideal Christian is meant to be—the seed in the good soil that produces a great harvest.

But in re-visiting this parable, I believe that when Jesus explained the metaphor he left the greatest piece of his illustration for us to discover.  For surely, as fallible humans, there is no way that we can always be one kind of seed.  Our doubts, our questions and our own curiosity results in us being every type of seed and every type of ground at some point in our life.  Denying that is useless and can also cut short the importance of this lesson—a lesson that impacts our personal life as much as our spiritual life.

For many years at my job, I was a seed in good soil and flourished and prospered.  But as I grew and changed, the soil was no longer what I needed.  I started to wither.  And I was cast aside.  But that doesn’t mean that I am a faulty seed.  For just like the sower could stoop down and pick up the seed that has fallen on the wrong ground, so could I pick myself up and re-plant.  It’s what I have down as I have reconciled my own beliefs and what I continue to do as I determine what my next journey will be.  Thankfully, unlike the common seed, we have many seasons of germination.

I am thankful for both the flourishing and the withering.  The flourishing has taught me about the gifts I have been given.  And the withering has taught me when to be mindful when those gifts aren’t being utilized to their fullest.   May the new year bring us all the right series of “pots”.